Tuesday, 10 October 2017

Rejection: How To Take The L and Get Over It

Zoey 101 you just got rejected cheer

Let’s talk rejection! Everyone goes through it, so I’m going to write about it. With life, comes rejection, whether you like it or not,  but we must never, ever let that stop us from greatness. As a wise rapper once said, “last night took an L, but tonight I bounce back" - Big Sean (2017)

Taking an L basically, means accepting your loss *pause* Life begins with an L… is that a coincidence? I think not. *continue* I recently took an L to the head, the slickest L you could ever imagine. If you really want to know, message me & we can kiki. As embarrassing as rejection can be just know, that moment will most definitely pass and life will carry on.

Sesame Street L

A representation of me in form of a gif

Rejection, as corny as it sounds, can be a blessing in disguise. Thinking about it, my life right now as it is, is perfect – I’m happy. There have been so many moments where the idea of something and/or someone completely blinds me and I lose focus on what’s important.

If not dealt with correctly, rejection can turn into something truly awful: never feeling good enough, self-loathing, anxiety and just sad, sad vibes. In the past my coping mechanism was revenge, not kidnapping their pet or keying their car type of revenge but “make my life look so awesome without you” "revenge" – it was bloody draining.

I’ll tell you a story. Long story short (I’m a terrible story teller) I was dating someone who stopped seeing me for their ex. I just couldn’t believe it – how could he leave me? She must be prettier/funnier/smarter this that and the other than me. I basically made it my mission to make sure he knew what he was missing (huge mistake) I lost a tonne of weight, I looked great, made sure I looked 20/10 on social media at ALL time, it was truly exhausting. Instead of enjoying my life for me & improving for myself I made it about him. I was constantly thinking of ways to make him regret his decision, it took a toll on me, I’d constantly stalk with the heaviest of hearts, looking for things I hope to never find but always did – it was an actual mad ting sad ting. He eventually did get in touch, and I was “happy” for a few days but soon after, thanks to my girlfriends, I realised my whole life was revolving around him, I thought I had all the power but in fact, he did. Moving on, I FINALLY deleted all traces of him, pictures, messages, unfollowed on all social media & started working on me, woo! Don’t ever think that blocking, deleting and unfriending someone is bitter, it's self-love and self-care. This is your world and you should have FULL control of who can experience it with you.

Smirk washing of hands

Moral of the story is, I dealt with rejection in the worst way possible. You’re meant to learn & grow from it. The concept of 'revenge' self-improvement is contradictory. I was seeking revenge through my appearance, I was still seeking validation from the very person who left me at my lowest meaning what? Meaning he still had power over me – no-one should ever have such power over you.

When we face rejection, it is very tempting to act like we’re happy, even if we’re not. Self-improvement begins with mentally unchaining yourself from what once held power over you. Don't better yourself in hopes of getting back at someone. No self-improvement is valid until YOU are content with YOURSELF. Work on the inner voice that tells you that you’re not good enough. Until you free yourself from the judgement of others, you will always belong to them before you belong to yourself.

I can’t even look back with frustration because there’s nothing I can do is there, apart from laugh at younger, sociopathic Abby. I just hope there’s someone reading this who really needs it. You can and will get over this the right way. Before I go I’m going to write a few bullet points for any lazy readers who stumbled upon this page and are scrolling down looking for pointers:
  • This guy/girl you’re getting worked up over is not the only or last person on earth, chill shawty
Srsly, 9/10 of the pain comes from the fact that you've over-focused on one person, you create this perfect fantasy and then *poof* it's gone. You put all of your emotional eggs in one basket. They may seem like they’re the only one for you, but trust me - they’re not. There are approx 7 billion people on the planet right about now & AT LEAST one them will love you, right? right. You just need to realize that your shoulda-coulda-woulda-wannabe lover is not the exclusive holder of all the things that you find attractive.

  • They’re not even that cute (lol joke) If he/she doesn’t love you back then:
a)    You’re not good for each other or
b)    They’re just not worth it

There are two cases, either you just don’t float their boat – as hard as it is to believe because you’re amazing, not everyone is going to fancy ya and that's okay ORRRRR they’re just time wasters you shouldn’t spend another second on, this whole “the fact he doesn’t like me, makes me like him more” is some next level bullcrap – it should be an instant turn off. Stop all wistful regret thinking what “might have been” If they’re totally uninterested, this is a sign of huge incompatibilities. You've probably dodged a bullet, actually - *High5 for rejection!!!*

  • Don’t keep all your emotional eggs in one basket, be a serial dater, date to your heart's content

I’m definitely not saying sleep around but the fastest way to get over rejection is to spend time with other attractive people. Get cute, go out with your mates, date cute people, have fun! If you let yourself drown at home in a pool of tears, all you’re doing is lengthening your misery. You're essentially placing that person who rejected you on a pedestal (a big fat no no). You will see them as the only option and let it crush you, so don't do it to yourself baby girl. It’s nearly impossible to see the positive side of rejection when you don’t keep meeting new, beautiful, funny, caring people.

Really hope this was a helpful, funny, interesting read! Thank you & see you soon!

Abby xx

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